Today, Not Tomorrow or Yesterday

It has been a week of longings for me.

I’ve longed for yesterday.

For the times when I felt  competent as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, grand-daughter, friend and sister in Christ.  For days when energy was abundant. When making dinner wasn’t a chore but a delight.  When going for a run or playing a game of soccer wasn’t painful but satisfying.  When I had had more muscle than fat J. 

When I’ve finished moping about what used to be I start to long for tomorrow. 

When I’m not taking medication like it’s candy.  When all my joints are picture perfect…at least on an x-ray.   When I’m sleeping in my own bed for 8 hours straight.  When I’m sitting on my porch enjoying the scenery and the horses in my backyard J....(pretty please,dear).   When I have tea with my girlfriends more often than I have doctor appointments. 

I’m sounding like my kids when they are having a rough day….whine, whine, whine.

It is so easy to become obsessed with what was or what could be.  As I write I realize I must work harder at feeling content CONSTANTLY rather than in the moment.

I think of the Israelites as they walked in the desert.  I can only imagine that they must have felt content each morning as they gathered the manna from the ground and filled their hungry bellies.  However, in Numbers 11:4-6 we hear their grumbling.  “If only we had meat to eat!  We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost – also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic.  But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna.”

I also think of Naomi who laments, “….the Almighty has made my life very bitter.  I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.” (Ruth 1:20-21).

How often do we crave the very thing that we lack….and blame our misery on that void.  How often does our perspective skew what we had in the past or might have in the future.  How often do we think back on years before and remember only the good things or focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do have.  The Israelites remember fish as something that “cost them nothing” but in reality cost them their freedom.   Naomi recalls the loss of her husband and sons rather than finding joy in the fact that she isn't coming home alone but with a daughter-in-law who has accepted her God.

As I reflect on these examples I can only look deeper within.  My longings of yesterday and tomorrow are no different than those of the Israelites and Naomi.  I have to ask myself “what about today?”  How do I sing “all is well with my soul” and truly feel it…now.  One word comes to mind…..TRUST.  A rather simple word….but often a very hard act for me to do.  But as I study more and more about being content I am coming to understand that it really can be as easy as that….trusting.

Longing for things we had or desire only takes the joy and delight out of what God is actually providing for us today.  Grumbling about our circumstances and remembering better times can make us bitter. So what other options do we have? 

Well,  contentment comes as we wait on God’s timetable.  Not ours.  Contentment comes as we trust that what God provides for today, in the midst of what we lack, is really all we need until he provides something else.  Contentment comes when we look upward instead of backward or forward.

“When we look at God, among his people, in His Word, and by His Spirit – we are going to realize that the present is actually better than the past.  It is better because God is the one who brought us where we are today.  And the God who led us here is good, kind, and, let’s not forget, purposeful.  Everything he does in our lives, everywhere he leads us, is designed to fulfill his primary intention for us, which is to know him better.  Contentment does not lie around the next corner.  It is not waiting for us on the other side of today’s difficulty, nor is it lost with yesterday.  Contentment is where God is, and God is with us today.”  (Lydia Brownback)

I praise God TODAY that I have a husband who loves me enough to drive back and forth to Kingston twice in one week, for children who say they “love me more”, for a sister who calls to see how I’m doing, for friends who take the time to email and give encouragement, for ham, rice and corn on the cob, for Ruth who cares enough to teach the kids, feed them, spiritually guide them and take them to riding lessons while I’m resting, for freshly baked cookies and for authors who provide devotionals, for God’s Word and last but not least for a bed and a pillow….and that’s where I’m heading right now.

Blessings to all