I'd Rather Not Repeat Like Rachel

Through my Bible study and devotions I have realized that I must really look closely at my prayers and the motivation behind them.  My devotions in the past week led me to the story of Jacob and his two wives, Rachel and Leah.   I never realized until now how biased my judgement of character in respect to these two women was. 

For whatever reason I have always been drawn more to Rachel than to Leah.  In my fairy tale world I had always considered Leah the unkind and uncaring, ugly (step) sister.  Rachel was always the beautiful Cinderella.  She was the one who was cheated out of a marriage to her true love.  Why did Leah get Jacob?  I mean she didn’t even love Jacob like her sister Rachel did, did she?  And then on top of not getting her Prince Charming all to herself she was barren.  Rachel had to watch her sister and servants have the one thing she wanted the most, children.  Poor Rachel.  What did she do to deserve all that heartbreak?  Well, it only makes sense that Leah is at fault.  I mean, she is the one who stole Jacob and had all those children.   

After reading the passage several times, I realize how misconstrued my fairy tale notions are.  I’m not sure which version of the Bible I was reading when I read this story but it seems as soon as I read that Rachel was beautiful and Leah was not my mind was made up about who should be the heroin.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Genesis 29 and 30 really tell quite a different story.  First of all the Bible never once mentions Rachel’s love for Jacob before (or after for that matter) they were married.  The only mention of love is in reference to Jacob’s love:  “for he loved Rachel more than Leah.”(Genesis 29: 18; 30).   Subconciously I always blamed Leah for deceiving Jacob into marrying her.  But in reality Genesis 29:22 states clearly that it was Laban who was responsible for the trickery.  There is no indication that Leah had any role to play in this drama.  As I continue to read I have to wonder why I never felt sorry for Leah.  Her plight is chronicled in Genesis 29 and 30.  The misery that she felt from being neglected and not loved is seen in the meaning of all of her son’s names.  She often takes the brunt of her sister’s jealousy and is manipulated by Rachel as well. 

I now realize the only possible similarity between Rachel and Cinderella was that she was “lovely in form, and beautiful” and  between Leah and the ugly (step) sister was that she “has weak eyes” (Genesis 29:17).  I just have to shake my head and say….Melissa, Melissa….you know better than to judge a book by it’s cover, so to speak.  And besides I don’t even know what Cinderella was like after she got married.  However I have several chapters in the Bible that show me Rachel’s true character.

After Rachel marries Jacob the next thing we hear about her (besides the statement that she is barren) are these words she speaks to Jacob:  “Give me children, or I’ll die!”   Those sure don’t like sound like words spoken by a Cinderella.  It turns out, Rachel was a very unhappy and discontent women.  She spends most of her life seeking things she wanted at any cost and at the expense of others.  By forcing her servant Billah into a role of surrogate mother and manipulating her family to get mandrakes that did not belong to her she is seeking to serve her own agenda.  Even when the Lord blessed her with a child she does not act in thankfulness but rather like a spoiled child who is not satisfied but demands for more.  She says in Genesis 30: 24 “May the Lord add to me another son.”

Rachel stole from her father, she manipulated her sister and she whined and complained to her husband.

So now what….Rachel isn’t the woman I once thought she was.  But then again, no one’s perfect…except maybe Cinderella J.  I mean, we all have our bad days, right?   I have to be honest…all those things Rachel did, I’ve done too.  I’ve experienced jealousy.  I’ve manipulated others for the benefit of me.  I’ve whined and complained to my husband, my friends, my mom.   So where does this leave me?   How am I to learn contentment from a woman who seems to have lived a life of the exact opposite.

Well, I think that answer comes in Rachel’s death rather than her life.  In Genesis 35: 16-20 we read that Rachel dies in childbirth.  Rachel died as she had lived – labouring hard for the one next thing she had to have.  Am I any different?  How often do I say or think “IF ONLY…..”   And then when my ‘if only’ becomes a reality, how often don’t I up the stakes and say “yes, BUT, if only.”  Was Rachel ever satisfied?  Am I ever satisfied?  Why not?   How can I avoid living as Rachel repeats?   

Well, I think the answer comes in living for God rather than living for our “if only’s”.   If I continue to live for everything that could be don’t I take God right out of the equation?  Am I wiser than He?  Even when my intentions are good and my “if only’s” are so that I can serve God better what am I actually implying?   I know better than God how I can serve Him and in what capacity I should be able to do that?

 If I live for God rather than for what I do not have or want I will begin to feel true contentment.  If I pour my desires away from myself and into God and His purposes instead, I will find a deeper satisfaction than if my every “if only” is answered.  It is God who can satisfy like none other.  He has the ability to render service from me no matter  where I am or how I feel.

But that isn’t even the best part.  The best part is that as I continue to look to God and His purposes I am finding that all of my “if only’s” are becoming not so important.  Rather than think of what I could do if I had this or that I am trying to thank Him for what I can do.  I am trying to look at how I can serve God today, rather than when and if He grants me something I think I need.

Have any of you ever written down things that you would like to accomplish in the years that are ahead of you?   Kind of like a “bucket list”…if you’ve ever watched the movie.  Well, I have.  It was an exercise that I had to do once in my inpatient programs.  Well, I recently found that list back again.  To my surprise I had accomplished several things on it already….take piano lessons again, read the bible all the way through, design and build my own home.  Well, there were a few things on my list that I must admit I’ve been saying “if only”.  I’ve always wanted to run a marathon and hike the Grand Canyon with my kids. 

My first visit with the surgeon I told him I had these two goals I wanted to accomplish so could he fix me up real good….please!  Well, after this week and my devotions I think I am ready to let those drop off my list.  That doesn’t mean they won’t ever happen….I guess it means I’m not going to demand of God that I have a healthy body so I can accomplish my goals for my personal satisfaction. 

So, rather than say “if only” I want to thank and praise God.  It is three months since my hip surgery.  Every day this week I have been able to enjoy a hike with my wonderful husband in Northern Ontario.  I’ve been able to trek through the woods, up and down hills, through the mud, over rocks and in the snow…..but that is a story that is going to have to wait for another time.